Come Back to Me
by Deathlylover
Summary: B and L have gotten themselves into another fight, and L leaves. But that's okay, B knows that L will always come back to him...but what happens when L disappears for a very long time, unlike usual? And what will B say when and if he finally finds L?


**AN: I'm still here~!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my insanity, of course.**

* * *

"It isn't as if I need you to survive." that's the last thing he said to me before leaving. He'll be back, he'll always be back no matter how much we fight like this.

L and I have been together for two years now. We aren't really compatible, I suppose...but we can't live without each other.

I had flopped onto the couch, slightly worried as-per-usual, but knowing he'd come back to me soon enough. The TV flipped on, and I turned to the weather. A sunny week, so I had no reason to be worried at all.

Ignorantly, I flipped the TV off and got up. I was going to sleep-no need to chase after him. After all, he always comes back on his own will after thinking things through.

It's never worth it to stay away, he knows that.

That night had been a long night though, because I sensed something was off, sensed that something wasn't too safe that night.

But how could I have known? It had been like any other fight! How could I know that things would dramatically change? It isn't as if I could have known the future...though I wish I could have changed it. Possibly fought less...let him win at least that fight! If only...

If only is not enough.

When L's heart beats, my heart beats. But my heart skipped a beat that night around midnight. I don't remember if I got any sleep that night. Though apparently L hadn't slept that night either.

Less reason to had been worried though was that L had an appartmebt very close by. Across the moderately busy street, down a very short alley, and two turns to the right...then straight to his apartment. Not too difficult for a genius, or even an average person! Right?!

Maybe I was wrong.

* * *

A month later I was on my way to L's apartment, extremely mad at him for making me worry for so long. I never come after him, I know he doesn't want me to, but after a whole month?! Something was wrong. Two weeks is the longest he's stayed away before.

What had I done? Where did I go so wrong that time? Is he okay? What if he's been kidnapped? Those were the bad images that had passed through my brain that day. I had pounded at his door for an hour.

An hour of no answer was the last straw, the door was kicked in finally, and I scanned the apartment for him immediately.

"L Lawliet, where the HELL are you?!" hopefully not in hell. I searched every room; the living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen...under the bed, in the cabinets, behind the shower curtain...you name it, I checked.

My mind reeled, body tensing. No messy haired raven to be found.

I passed by a mirror, but then stopped. My hair was as messy as his that day, eyes glinting with worry and rage. Slightly depressed, though I'd never admit it. I was paler than usual. My fists clenched, and soon the mirror had been shattered to pieces. Not my fault, I had been very frustrated.

"Damn it, L!" I screamed, and started hitting my head on the wall. Glass and blood covered my knuckles. 'L...where are you?! Come back already!'

That night I had stormed out of the apartment, and relentlessly murdered a completely random man to relieve my stress...well..I had spent all of that night raping him while breaking his bones, THEN murdered him...but details are pretty useless sometimes, right?

Well...other times details are important.

* * *

Month five. I admit, at this point I had stopped hunting for him. I cried myself to sleep every night still, hugging my body pillow as if it would magically turn into my sweets-loving L...

I had spent many nights at L's apartment, waiting...he never came though. Most of his stuff was brought to my house, and I had sent multiple letters to L's apartment..I'm sure the family that had now lived there was creeped out. They moved in four months after L disappeared. Good thing I never put a return address...

That's when I decided to send a letter to Wammy's house-he had to be there! Right? Right? Right?! Of course!

So...the letter was sent...and I got a reply rather...quickly to my surprise. All that time searching, and he replied to a letter that quickly?! I had to wonder why, of course!

But I would soon find out. The letter had simply stated, "Come to Wammy's house." that...was all it said. Fancy writing. He must really have been angry, leaving for so, so long...he knows how I get when he's gone too long..so..why?!

One thing I had thought for sure; I will never get in a fight with L again. I planned desperately to make that true, and to make L happy.

To never hurt L again, not fight with him, and make him happy. Isn't that all I've ever wanted? Did I ever achieve any of those three things for him? Well?

No. I'm not sure why he stayed so long anyway.

* * *

Arriving at Wammy's house. I was far more than anxious...sweating, hair a mess-that had actually become normal. In fact, I no longer was a clean freak anymore...insane, right? Very. Insanity is everywhere.

Insanity dwells in us all. Deep down in our souls, or brimming at the top.

Souls are bottomless. Mine used to be cold before him.

Back on topic, I was on edge, biting my nails as I knocked on the thick door. It was opened by none other than Watari himself. He looks mad at me, but also sorry. Sorry? Why? I understand the mad part...Watari had come to hate me and also L and I's relationship...well, when it existed, that is.

He led me through the halls, and I instantly recognized where we were going. I lived here after all. We're headed to the backyard. Why? I thought L hated the outdoors.

Then I realized where EXACTLY we were going. It used to be A and I's favorite place to hang out. I refused any of the thoughts that entered my mind. Watari opened a rusty gate, and we entered the small area.

The only reason L left me for so long, the only reason he would ever make me worry so much...he didn't want to hurt me, I see now. My feelings have not affected this.

L would never be outside, especially behind this rusty gate unless for this. And...it explains the letter completely-L's handwriting...is not fancy at all. It's a complete mess like his hair, how fitting...

That letter I received was not from my beloved L Lawliet.

Why? Because he's there. In the graveyard. L Lawliet. Died in a car crash. Watari started talking, explaining L's story. L had told him it all while in the hospital apparently.

* * *

L had walked out of the apartment the night of our very last fight together-not run. How could I have known this fight was different? It was different because it was our last! And that my heart also skipped a beat...for a very dramatic reason that night?!

He had tears in his eyes when he left, and I have cried them many times over for him.

Lovely tears for love.

When he crossed the moderately busy street, or partly crossed, I suppose...it was fated he'd never make it down a very short alley and make two turns to the right. Straight to his apartment then. Not hard for a genius or even an average person-that is right. But obviously the really hard thing was for a drunk, truck driver, whom I have now killed of course, was to watch the road! Fuck the world!

L had been escorted to the hospital by helicopter with five broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and a piece of steel lodged in his stomach. Shortly after arrival, it was deemed he'd die. He told his story his story to a worried Watari before dying. It was a miracle he lived long enough to do that much.

And I...was never informed. Forgotten about! Only remembered by L's dear Watari when I sent a letter addressed to L! He nearly hadn't read it!

What cruel memories are forgotten by others that I myself shall never forget.

* * *

Collapsing on the ground in front of L's modest grave, I cried. No, I sobbed. My arms wrapped around the tomb stone, and I hugged it desperately. No, more like...clung to it for dear life? Wait, life is dear? Not dear at all to me! Not anymore at least! Not...without my dear Lawliet..

"I'm sorry, BB...he left everything he owns to you in his will...but not his title, ...and not me."

"And you only NOW remember to tell me?!" I was raged, clearly. I had every right to be, after all! "I apologize." Watari truly hates me, doesn't he? But L...at least he doesn't hate me. He didn't leave me for so long out of hate!

Or...did he?

Could L Lawliet have clung more tightly to life had he loved me...more? Had I cared more for him? Maybe...

In the end though, it is my fault. But when it comes to who's fault it even is, it doesn't make a difference. Doesn't change anything. Because...L is dead. No need to think 'if I had...' or 'if I hadn't...' no 'maybe' can make up for it.

So...goodbye, my beloved L Lawliet. Have a lovely life in heaven, but don't you dare find love. Because you're still mine, even if I'm going to hell.

* * *

I close the journal..diary...record keeping book? Doesn't matter on what I call it, I suppose. I've written L's entire life story in books. All of it. His likes, dislikes, loves, and the rare hates. And this book...is my least favorite. His death. The worst story of all his dreadful life. Because for once, it's something I can't fix for him. Can't protect him from.

Whether I could capture L's feelings or not may or may not matter. Not dramatically. Or...could it? Could it change someone's life? Save a single life with my writings and L's life and death? Why does it matter to me anyhow? It doesn't.

Change.

Such a stupid thing, truly. There is no change, only struggle. Struggle is in everyone's life-struggle for anything and everything. Because nothing is achieved without some struggle on someone's part.

But...what I do wonder on is what will happen to these books? Burn them? I most likely will burn them down along with myself, the building, and everyone else who lives here.

Life is bitter-sweet, isn't it?

Loving life...hating life...it makes no difference! Everything about life contradicts itself! I could say nothing changes anything, or even that little things change everything!

Funny how life works, isn't it?

However many points of views there stand...mine will forever been in red. Red like the numbers I never dared to look at above L's pretty head. I didn't want to see. So I didn't see-how I wish that logic worked for many things.

Logic-only fools desire it; much like knowledge.

I luckily don't know L's feelings. I'll live ignorant of them. If I knew, I'm not sure how I would react.

Goodbye.

I'm finished. I'll live without love or hate now. No regret. I hope you are doing the exact same thing, love. L...I will never see you again.

Forever in your wake of confusion. Your lover, your hopeless follower and yet leader of you, I am...

Beyond Birthday.


End file.
